Gone – flitted away,
Taken the stars from the night and the sun
From the day!
Gone, and a cloud in my heart.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson
This morning as I step outside my door I slip and cut my knee because the superintendent of the building hasn’t shoveled my stairs and there is a healthy buildup of pure ice now that all the snow has blown away.
As I’m scraping my car off that same superintendent pins me in the public parking lot to berate me, accuse me of putting a dirty snowball in front of his door for five minutes. Telling me it is no one he works with because they have respect, that it must be someone from where I work. That he is telling the owner of the building because he’s had enough.
As I get in my car I realize that he has just used all the time I’d given myself to stop at the store to pick up something for lunch later today and I have to face my 11-hour shift on protein shakes and meal replacement bars (they are meant to replace a meal – singular – you aren’t supposed to forgo all food on them) and that I’ll just have to skip eating.
Today, the 13th Anniversary of my mother’s death, is fucking hard enough.


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